Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
