Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
