Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
