You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
