I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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