talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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