You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
