i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
