Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
