her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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