just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
