Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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