Don't you send me to vm
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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