This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
