I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
