Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
