My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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