and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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