There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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