Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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