How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
