dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
