the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
