he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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