Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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