my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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