remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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