I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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