So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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