Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
