You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
