Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
