that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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