Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
