Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
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