You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
