Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
