Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
