he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
