were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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