Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
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Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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