Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
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if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
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I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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