Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
