Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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