First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
