does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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