Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
