i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
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IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
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Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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