WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
