i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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