It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
