No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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