is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
