I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
