She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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