Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
