he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
