I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Congratulations! We have a period
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
