Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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