If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
