in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
someone owes me an orgasm
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Randomize
