you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
